Where else are pedicures supposed to go? On your face?

WARNING: The following post contains a lot of links to a lot of videos.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the videos or songs I make references to in this post.

Alas, this is not my post about Ke$ha. You know, the one I keep saying I'm going to do, but still haven't gotten around to it. I will...potentially. I actually was going to start it, and I had all the intentions of writing a post about Ke$ha. Until I started watching GloZell videos (capitalized 'Z' is intentional!). And then I was a goner. Because you can't just watch ONE GloZell video. You have to watch like fifteen.

And right now I'm up to twenty. Yeah. Twenty. She's hilarious. The problem is, she's got like a gazillion videos, some that are her commenting on songs, some telling stories, and some that are just weird sketch things...I think it's supposed to be commentary on society. I think. I have no fucking clue.

But she's funny as hell. And I wrote about her on my AP Lang essay. That's RIGHT. I wrote about this woman on my AP exam. Because she is that funny. Oh shit...I really hope the 'AP Police' doesn't come after me now...we took the damn exams. Scores are coming in two weeks. They can suck my nonexistant male appendage.

Incidentally, what does 'smh' mean? I see it all the time on girls' Facebook statuses, and I'm just like, "Dude? What the hell are you talkin' 'bout?" This just proves that I'm just not meant to be a part of mainstream society. -shrug-

Anyway. So this video that I'm about is how I was introduced to GloZell. Kind of. I'm not gonna lie, if it wasn't for the people on my swim team, I would have NEVER heard of this woman. So, thanks guys. You've given me a new reason to procrasinate. Seriously, I watched GloZell videos instead of studying for the APs. I think it'll show up in my scores when they arrive, whenever the hell that is.



Stay on yo side!

Now, honestly, that's not my favorite, and this wasn't even the first GloZell video I ever saw. I just heard about it, because certain people who won't be named kept quoting it in the locker room and during kick sets. You're not even reading it but you know who you are. You know who you are.

This second video, ALSO introduced to me by two people who were endlessly quoting it in the locker room, and this one WAS the first one I saw. This one was the one that got my started on my GloZell obsession, and derailed me from writing about my Ke$ha post? How? Because it's about Ke$ha. And it was this line, "'I wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy.' P. Diddy? LAWD HAVE MERCY!" Additionally, this video also has the line in which this post was named after.

It is a glorious video. And it will provide many lolz. Intentional or unintentional. WARNING: Do not drink any beverages while watching this video. They will come out of your nose.



HOW DRUNK IS YOU?!

Notice how these all are legitimate concerns in regards to Ke$ha's song. I think it's absolutely brillant. And it's quotable. It's so freaking quotable. Even the 'triple A' slip-up toward the beginning (it was a slip-up, and she claims to know that but she does it again in the Blahblahblah video so...I dunno. Or maybe she didn't. I haven't watched the video in awhile but it's FUNNY). Even if you don't listen to some of the songs like Rude Boy, Bedrock, California Girls, Can't Be Tamed or Eenie Meenie, you need to LISTEN to these videos. THEY'RE SO FUNNY. By the way, those are all my personal favorites of GloZell's. I think they're so funny.

But they're also so legitimate critiques of the songs and their lyrics. It's absolutely amazing.

So...next video. I'm torn actually, between two videos. And I think I will post both of them. One has to stay in theme with mentioning Alejandro (I wanna see how many blog posts go by before I stop mentioning Alejandro for good). It's not the funniest video of hers, but I enjoy it because she's GOT A POINT. Don't call, Alejandro!



Don't call my name, Cilantro. -snort-
She mighta had lunch with Lucifer. -giggle-

That's clever. That's extremely clever. I mean, I don't know if that phrase existed before I heard her say it, but if it didn't, that's a clever alliteration. Or is that consonance? GOD DAMN IT, AP LANG. HOW DARE YOU TEACH ME TO OVERANALYZE EVERY LITTLE THING.

Not that I didn't do that already, but I overanalyzed people. That stupid class taught me to overanalyze commercials and songs and movies. Example? I wrote an intense analyzation of Point of No Return from Phantom of the Opera (Mmmm. Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman. Nothing beats the original, kids) and it made sense, no doubt, but I'm sure Andrew Lloyd Webber or Charles Hart or Richard Stilgoe (and I knew those guys' names without even having to look them up. I've mentioned before that I'm a musical theater freak, right?) had this in mind when they wrote the lyrics. Maybe I'll entreat you to said analyzation. If I feel like it.

I apologize for the musical digression.

Anyway. This second video only really applies if you've had this sort of experience at Subway. Which I have. The one time I went there.



It's so legit. Well, I didn't order the tuna. But what she's saying is so legit.

Okay. Random digression but this was irking me: my mom called me while I was typing this blog post, to talk about the SAT score requirements of Lehigh and TCNJ (by the way, TCNJ has higher requirements for the composite score than Lehigh. No lie. Go on Naviance if you don't believe me), and then she was like, "Oh. Ellen's calling. I gotta call you back."

My phone call lasted like fourty-four seconds or something like that. And it's like, "Woman. You leave the house before I wake up. You don't talk to me all day. The LEAST you can do is keep me on the line when Ellen calls." But NO.

And she does this ALL THE FREAKING TIME.

Whaterr'.

So...that's really it. I hope I haven't gotten you all shamelessly addicted to GloZell videos. Toodles!
Translations:
Whaterr'-Whatever

...SENIOR '11 WHAT WHAT?

So...it just occurred to me that I am now a senior in high school. I finished my exams last Friday. And the class ahead of me graduated last Saturday. So that means, I'm a senior. WHAAAATTT?

I went to Roger Williams University on Monday, just to visit and whatever and let me tell you something. It is a PRETTY campus. Like...it's right on the bay and near the bridge, and it's all suprisingly pretty (and expensive!) for a university in the middle of RI.

Then again, RI has home to Bryant which is having an Alumni Polo match on July 3rd. A polo match. That's some classy ass shit right there. As you can imagine, I'm not applying to Bryant. I looked at their campus. Not as pretty as RWU, but still very very pretty. I just wouldn't fit in there. I imagine I'll feel this way when I go look at Lehigh in the fall.

RI is also home to Brown. Emma Watson goes there. Not that I have a lesbian crush on Emma Watson or anything, but her prettiness makes up for like, the entire population of Rhode Island. She is a pretty woman. And everybody knows about Brown, and how it's an Ivy and blahblahblahblahblah so I don't think you need me to go on and talk about Brown. I'm not applying there. I'm stupid. I would never get in. :D

On a side note, Providence College sports are called the Friars. I kid you not.

Rhode Island is also home to a SURPRISING amount of Division One schools. Meaning, kids that play on these teams are friggin' sick nasty. Yeah. I'm not swimming on any of these teams. I've had a Division 3 coach tell me I wasn't good enough to swim on their team, but I could certainly try. -snort-

Right. So back to the whole D1 thing. There are 11 colleges/universities in the state of Rhode Island, according to Collegeboard. Here are there breakdowns by Division level:

4-D1 (URI, PC, Brown and Bryant)
4-D3 (Salve Regina((but they don't have a swim team, therefore I couldn't care less about them)), RWU, RIC, and JWU ((Johnson and Wales University)) )
2-Intramural, meaning they don't compete (RISD ((Rhode Island School of Design)), CCRI ((Community College of Rhode Island, but they don't have swimming)))

It should be noted that New England Institute of Technology has no sports whatsoever. Or at least, according to Collegeboard, they don't.

For such a tiny state, and almost half of it's colleges are DI...that's kind of impressive. I didn't realize Rhode Island was the place to be if you wanted to swim. I always assumed, from the amount of old people there, it was the place you go when you wanted to die. I mean, I guess you could die from swimming and lord knows I feel like dying constantly when I go to practice...but still.

I hate to randomly segue in the middle of this post, but there need to be more DII schools. Like, there are only 66 of them in America and Puerto Rico that have Women's Swimming. Now, why am I hooked on D2, you ask? Very simple.

The Green.

Or more importantly, the green I can save on college tuition by getting scholarship money.

And believe it or not, D2 seems to be less competitive than D3. Like, there are some D3 schools that I was just like, "Whoa suckers I am not keeping up with you." Like this one girl I met at Ithaca...she was CRAZY fast. Like faster than most guys that I swim with. And they're fast.

Anyway, that's not my point. Division 3, I seem to be slower than a majority of the people swimming. Division 2? I'm about as fast as, if not faster than some of these people swimming. And I'm not even that good.

I'm looking at results between Pace University and Queens College...and there's this one girl who goes a 1:41 100 breaststroke. I'm sorry, but that's bad. That's really bad. I go a 1:28, or about there, and that's considered to be bad. Like, that's first heat, kids. Although, I think there was one meet where I was second heat but that's not important.

Well, then I thought, maybe it's just Pace and QC. I mean, are they actually reknowned for their swimming? So, I decided to investigate all 66 DII colleges that have women's swimming.

It's pretty much the same. Some schools are really good, and I can't even place in their meets. Others just...aren't good and I can place pretty high. I guess that's really like any other school, but...there should be more of them. There are 241 D3 schools that have Women's Swimming, and 202 that are D1. And only 66 that are D2? For shame.

All right. I'm tired. I'm going back to bed. I don't care if it's nine-thirty in the morning.