WARNING: This post contains a lot of French.
"Pour regarder dans les yeux de la mort est enivrante".
You know what that translates to? Actually. I wanna warn you that before you read on, I was reading about "House of Leaves" today on TvTropes, and it appears to be a very frightening book, and that's where I got the above quote from. So...I'm not responsible any mental scarring.
Anyway, "Pour regarder dans les yeux de la mort est envrante" translates to "To look into the eyes of death is intoxicating". Now, to say that in English immediately comes off as scary. To say it in French?
It just sounds so pretty. French can make anything sound really pretty. Which is why, I think, Lady Gaga is obsessed with it. Yeah, that was a random segue, I know.
If you disagree with me, think about it. In the beginning of Alejandro she says, "I know that we are young, and I know that you may love me. But I just can't be with you like this anymore...Alejandro" IN A FRENCH ACCENT. Now, if you're speaking to a dude with a Hispanic name, why are you donning a French accent? Wouldn't it make more sense to say it with a hispanic accent?
No. Because it doesn't sound as pretty. Go on. Try it. I'll wait. I can't even do the Hispanic actually. It just ends up sounding like a redneck version of Speedy Gonzalez. Pathetic, I know.
And in Bad Romance, Lady Gaga says, "Je veux ton amour, et je veux ton revanche. Je veux ton amour" which according to Google Translate translates into "I want your love, and I want your hand. I want your love". Although, revanche can mean 'revenge' in French so...I'm thinking something is lost in translation here. Whatever.
Following that line, she says, "I don't wanna be friends". In a French accent. Admittedly, if she said it in an Italian accent after speaking French it would sound weird. But why doesn't she say, "Voglio il tuo amore e voglio la tua vendetta, io voglio il tuo amore" (Italian) or "Eu quero seu amor e eu quero a sua vingança, eu quero seu amor" (Portugese) or "Quiero tu amor y quiero tu venganza, Quiero tu amor" (Spanish). Because none of them sound NEARLY as good as "Je veux ton amour, et je veux ton revanche. Je veux ton amour".
Now, French may just work for Lady Gaga.
...Or does it?
Listen to this. It's Colors of the Wind in French. Here's the English version. French makes a Disney movie sound incredibly sexy. Actually, the English one's actual sound quality seems to be a lot worse on my computer, so that could just be my computer.
I will admit, the English one has Judy Kuhn going for it, who orginated the role of Cosette in Les Miserables (which, I will get to in a minute). But the French one just has a better quality of lyricality (yes, I'm going Mia Michaels up in this joint) to it. It flows better. It sounds better. It makes me want to go plant a tree. Also, it distracts one from the fact that Pocahontas doesn't have a nose.
I bet you didn't notice that before until I mentioned it. Don't worry, I didn't either until Nostalgia Chick mentioned it to me either. Go on, check. It's okay. I'll wait.
...Are you there? Okay, good! Moving on!
As not really promised, Les Miserables! Now, I really don't know where to begin with this. The book, the numerous film versions, or the musical. Let's begin with my favorite one: the musical! Les Miserables (the musical) was released in 1980 as a concept album by two French guys nobody ever heard of: Claude-Michel Schönberg and Alain Boublil. The original stage production of this concept album was held in a sports arena for three months and then closed when booking contracts expired.
In 1982, Cameron Mackintosh, most notable for producing shows like Cats and Phantom of the Opera and...well, Les Mis, was given a copy of the concept album by some guy named Farago. Farago wanted Mackintosh to make an English adaptation of the successful concept album. Mackintosh was initially reluctant, but eventually produced Les Miserables, which opened at Barbican Arts Centre on October 8th (which is also the same day Phantom of the Opera opened in Her Majesty's Theatre, one year later), 1985. Initially, it was slated to be a commercial failure, being horribly condemmed by theater critics and literary critics alike. But the public enjoyed it, and thus it thrived, steadily gaining better reviews and was eventually moved to the Queen's Theatre where it plays to this day. I wanna go see it.
So, what does this have to do with the language of the French? The entire musical.
Wait. Actually. Before I even get into that, they're doing a 25th Anniversary Concert this year. Squee. I want to find a way to watch it. However, there is one problem I have with it. Nick Jonas. As Marius. Oh, God if I didn't mock Marius's every single note as it is...this will just make it so much worse. UGGH. I know Nick Jonas played Gavroche for a spell on Broadway...but I can't imagine him singing "A Heart Full of Love" and wanting to sigh dreamily. Granted, I never did that with Michael Ball. But I was close.
However, Lea Salonga (who was at the Tarrytown Music Hall last year and I wanted to go see her SO BADLY) is the only person from the 10th Anniversary concert who will be there. Instead of Eponine, she'll now be Fantine. I...am surprisingly okay with that.
Moving on.
I will take the most notable songs from that musical and compare them to their French counterparts. The French Recordings are from the concept album (yay YouTube!). English is from the Original Broadway cast.
Do You Hear The People Sing? vs. A La Volonte Du Peuple
Actually, I think this is a tie. The French guy definitely has more passion in his voice but...I could have an affair with Michael Maguire's voice. If it was possible, I would marry that man's voice. Mmmm. I love that voice so. Additionally, the English version as opposed to the French Concept makes use of all the Barricade Boys, not just Enjolras. The French one sounds very good though.
The song I hate with a burning, fiery passion vs its French counterpart
These are very different. Like, it shocked me the first time I listened to it. I mean, the tune of the vocals isn't that much different, but the instrumentation is so much more simple. I think I like it a lot more than the original Broadway version. Additionally, I like the background singers. You have to remember that Fantine's fate was similar to many, many women at that time. She is a lost soul, but not alone, if that makes sense. The only thing I don't like is how toward the end, her voice doesn't really change all that much as the music does, in comparison to the English. Additionally, the English one has an oboe solo that the beginning. It gets points just for that. But the French one is still better. Point to the French.
The Lea Michele Song vs The Song with a Boring Name in the Paris Revival
The French version is known as the 'lost' song of Eponine, as it didn't make it very far past the concept album, although you can hear part of the song in 'A Little Fall of Rain'. I like the French version better. I mean...it sounds more mournful instead of bitter. The problem with Eponine is that she was never meant to be a potential romantic interest for Marius. I'm looking at you, fanbrats.
In the book, she tricks Marius into going to the Barricades, convinced that he will die. She ends up taking a bullet for him, saying that "she wanted to die first". Although, it is argued that she also took the bullet for him selflessly, which can be construed...the point is, in the book she's a butterface that is supposed to show the ruination of society and how quickly it can turn on people. Additionally, she's a bit loony. Point is, she's suddenly become the icon for teenagers who completely miss the point of Eponine because her song basically translates to "HE DOESN'T LOVE MEEEEE". When it's really, "SOCIETY RUINED MY LIFE AND HE DOESN'T LOVE MEEEEEE". Although, I have no idea if that's what the French version is saying. I also don't like Francis Ruffelle's voice. It sounds high pitched and annoying. Also, for those of you who are wondering why I called this the 'Lea Michele song'...you must've not seen the pilot of Glee. Point to the French.
Bring Him Home vs Comme Un Homme
Now, Comme Un Homme did NOT originally appear in the French Concept Album, but has become one of the most notable songs for Jean Valjean and in the entire musical. I blame Britain's Got Talent. Essentially, these two are the same, and really relies on your vocal preferences. I prefer Colm Wilkinson. Also, it was a pain the ass to find a recording of this because Comme Un Homme translates to "Like A Man" and is also the French version of "I'll Make A Man Out of You" from Mulan. And the version I have here is the French Canadian version because I couldn't find the actual French version. I have it on my iTunes. Just not here. Point to the English.
Castle on a Cloud vs. Mon Prince Est En Chemin
I'm guessing the lyrics are completely different. The longer instrumentation in the French version is irksome to me, but the French gets the point actually because of the revival's title "Une poupée dans la vitrine", which is a reference to a doll Cosette sees in the window of a store that Jean Valjean will later buy for her. Anything that goes back to the source material just wins. Also, if you look at the comments on the French one, people who understand it says the original song makes a bit more sense in relation to the book. Point to the French.
That song made kind of famous by the Seinfeld episode vs. God, these people are shmucks
The Seinfeld episode in question is the one where George has this song stuck in his head and something about a suede jacket and Elaine's father...I only saw the episode once. My mom would know more about this stuff than I would. I made a parody of this song about the murderers in Macbeth. It was brilliant. I pick the French version yet again. It makes Thenardier sound suaver, but still sleazy. Which, he should. But he's so much worse in the book. Hence, why I like the book better. But still, point to the French.
Empty Chairs at Empty Tables vs. Seul devant ces tables vides
Seul devant ces tables vides, surprisingly, did not appear in the original concept album, as Marius never spends much time brooding over his fallen commerades in the book (as I recall). He was too busy being unconcious, reconciling with his grandfather, shunning Jean Valjean away and then getting married to even think about that. With the exception of mentioning Eponine like once or twice. Then again, in the book, Marius isn't close with the Friends of the ABC at all. He just joins them because Eponine told him that he was desperately needed and he thought he'd never see Cosette again. Now, I say that this is surprising because this is song is considered to be Marius's song. But, it had no reason to be on the original concept album which was more book oriented. At any rate...Marius can really be sold based on his actor. I'm not looking forward to hearing Nick Jonas singing this. The album will be released August 23rd. I plan on buying it. And mocking Nick Jonas.
But back to the song. I pick the French version, again. I actually couldn't find the original Broadway version on Youtube, which distressed me. So, I picked the 10th Anniversary Edition of this song, sung by Michael Ball, who is basically the reason why I don't like Marius. Book!Marius is awesome. Michael Ball!Marius isn't. Point to the French (c'mon, you know it sounds better).
All right, last song, I promise. I'm thinking of which Javert song to pick. His overly religious song that isn't true to the book whatsoever, or his suicide song. I pick the latter! C'mon, do you wanna hear the overly religious song? No. Exactly.
Javert's Suicide vs. Le suicide de Javert
Now, Le suicide de Javert was not called that in the concept album but I (OF COURSE) couldn't find it on YouTube. The song was originally called Noir ou Blanc (Black or White). Which may sound boring in English, but it's pretty legitimate if you consider Javert's way of thinking. Now, I'm not even using the Original Broadway version of Javert's Suicide. Why? Because the 10th Anniversary version kicks some major ass. Phillip Quast. He has a cool name and he is the man. Actually, Colm Wilkinson is the man, so Phillip Quast is the dude. Now, where the English version has Phillip Quast, the French version has the confrontation between Valjean and Javert, in which Valjean pleads Javert to spare him one more hour so he can save Marius. Although, the 10th Anniversary has this too...whatever, it sounds better in French and I'm having trouble finding it at the moment. My computer is old and it hates me.
Anyway, that's how French pwns in the Les Miserables musical. For the book, I will just show you this one quote and suddenly everything will make sense. Okay, not really but there's one particular quote that sounds so much better in French than it does in English. Like I said, French is a hot language.
"Tant qu’il existera, par le fait des lois et des mœurs, une damnation sociale créant artificiellement, en pleine civilisation, des enfers, et compliquant d’une fatalité humaine la destinée qui est divine; tant que les trois problèmes du siècle, la dégradation de l’homme par le prolétariat, la déchéance de la femme par la faim, l’atrophie de l’enfant par la nuit, ne seront pas résolus; tant que, dans de certaines régions, l’asphyxie sociale sera possible; en d’autres termes, et à un point de vue plus étendu encore, tant qu’il y aura sur la terre ignorance et misère, des livres de la nature de celui-ci pourront ne pas être inutiles."
Which translates to:
"So long as there shall exist, by reason of law and custom, a social condemnation, which, in the face of civilisation, artificially creates hells on earth, and complicates a destiny that is divine, with human fatality; so long as the three problems of the age — the degradation of man by poverty, the ruin of woman by starvation, and the dwarfing of childhood by physical and spiritual night — are not solved; so long as, in certain regions, social asphyxia shall be possible; in other words, and from a yet more extended point of view, so long as ignorance and misery remain on earth, books like this cannot be useless."
Actually, it sounds really good in both languages, but I imagine in French it flows better, as French was Hugo's native language. Here is the wikiquote page for Les Miserables (the book). Decide for yourself which one is better.
By the way, I'm sorry it took so long to get this to you. I burned my hand last week and then I got lyme disease...again.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
I Still Haven't Decided If I'm Angry Or Not...
Warning: The following post contains a lot of bias.
As promised, OTHER Emmy nominations.
Unlike my bestest best friend in the whole wide world, I'm going into the writing and directing and other sub nominations that nobody really cares about, because it gives me a good reason to rant/rave about things.
First things first. Glee got NINETEEN EMMY NOMINATIONS. The hell? Some things are warranted. Some, not so much. But I'll get into that later. I'm gonna start nitpicking on random awards because I'm not using the fancy drop down list that you can use on the Emmy website, but the PDF file. I'm lazy.
One of the obscure awards: Outstanding Art Direction for a Single-Camera Series. I don't even know what that means, but Glee's "Pilot" up against Lost's "Ab Aeterno", which is regarded by fans and critics alike to be the second best episode in the entire series, second only to "The Constant", which ironically did not receive Emmy nominations of any kind.
It's also up against the now ended because it sucked so hard Heroes' "Brave New World" which was a stinkin' good episode for the dying series. Like, this was the episode that gave people hope for the show. Before crushing their dreams so hard.
Nominated for that category is also Modern Family's "Moon Landing", and True Blood's "Never Let Me Go". My prediction? Either True Blood or Lost. I say True Blood because it's supposed to be a very pretty show artistically, and Lost because I'm biased and we might see the "Everybody Loves Raymond" syndrome (in which Lost wins everything it's nominated for, simply because it's over) at the Emmys this year.
Right. Next category that catches my interest. Wait. Actually. Before I get into that, I'd just like to say I think it's stinkin' awesome that Conan O'Brien got nominated for some stuff this year, and Jay Leno is sitting at NBC, twiddling his thumbs. The Academy is clearly Team Coco. Like me! :D
Anyway, next award. Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Series. Glee has two nominations here, neither of which I think are deserved. For the Pilot and for Wheels. The pilot was good, so I don't have much of a problem with this as I do for Wheels. Maybe it's just my extreme distaste for the musical numbers in Wheels, but there's something about that episode that kinda gets on my nerves. Don't understand the nominations at all. Whatever. I think Modern Family will win.
Next! Outstanding Directing for a Drama Series. Lost was nominated, not surprising me in the least, but the episode it got nominated for kind of did. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm not surprised anymore. The episode nominated was the series finale, appropriately titled "The End". I won't give anything away, but just thinking about the ending of that episode brings tears to my eyes and...excuse me, I need a tissue.
Okay, I'm back. Now, Dexter is also nominated for this episode, and while I haven't seen Dexter in ages because my mom got rid of Showtime (-insert angry face of choice here-), Dexter has a lot of great direction in general (yay for nonsensical posting?). I think Dexter will win for this category.
Umm, before I go on to the next category, I just would like to randomly point out that I love Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert. Sorry, it may seem random to you, but not to me because I keep seeing their names. And Coco's.
Okay. Next award. Outstanding Hairstyling for a Single-Camera series. The only reason I'm bringing this up is for the Glee episodes nominated. "The Power of Madonna" and . . . "Hairography". I got a good giggle out of that.
Random time! I hate makeup awards. Seriously, I do. I always feel like no matter what I'm watching, everybody is wearing too much eye makeup. And then, there are some shows where the actors aren't even wearing eyeliner, and it looks like they have too much eyeliner on. I'm looking at you, Nestor Carbonell.
Next award I feel like bringing up. Outstanding Music Composition for a Series (Original Dramatic Composition). We all know who will win here. The Music Man himself, Michael Giacchino. That's just not even a competition. That's just like...rape. Please, I ask you to NOT watch this clip, but just listen to the music. Or, if you've seen Up, you know what the man can do.
Oh, Hans Zimmer got nominated for Outstanding Music Composition For
A Miniseries, Movie Or A Special (Original Dramatic Score). Against a bunch of dudes (and maybe a lady) that I've never heard of. I'm taking an Arrested Development joke about who I think will win: "It's like comparing an apple, and some fruit that nobody's ever heard of." Yeah. If you don't know who Hans Zimmer is right away, you've definitely heard stuff he's done. Case in point? Pirates of the Carribean 2 and 3. He also composed stuff for the Dark Knight with James Newton Howard (who composed for Titanic). So...yeah, moving on.
Outstanding Original Music And Lyrics...this is an award? Wait, seriously, this is an award? I know they did this at the Oscars and stuff, but...seriously? Ehh, whatever. I'm not going into this. It just caught my attention.
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series. Matthew Morrison. I don't get it. I really don't. I don't think he's a fantastic actor most of the time. If they show clips this year, for what moment they got nominated for, I really hope it's that moment where Will blows up at Terri. Because that was a great moment acting wise. Alec Baldwin and Steve Carrell are also nominated. Who will win the award? "'Not I!' said Steve Carrell". That's right. Every actor in this category is just Alec Baldwin's bitch. He better win. Inexpressible rage will ensue if he doesn't.
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series. You've got a good running here. Matthew Fox, Michael C. Hall, Kyle Chandler, Hugh Laurie, Bryan Cranston, and Jon Hamm. Okay, so I've never heard of the last two, but...it's still a good category, damn it. My choice to win? Michael C. Hall. Because Michael C. Hall is love. Murderous, pyschopathic love. Now, I love Matthew Fox, don't get me wrong. I once woke up to the sound of his voice and it was one of the most glorious things I've ever woken up to. But...he kinda sucks. He does. Everybody spent YEARS complaining about Jack. Frankly, I think Naveen Andrews should've been nominated. But whatever.
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie. This is a FANTASTIC category. Jeff Bridges, Martin Sheen, Sir Ian McKellen, Dennis Quaid (okay, he's not that great), and Al Pacino. Please. Take your pick out of this category. With the exception of Dennis Quaid (I don't see the appeal! He was tolerable in Parent Trap), they're all fine actors.
Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series. Lea Michele. Oh, GOD how this irks me. And I don't know if this is my extreme dislike of Rachel Berry and my inability to separate the two, but I don't think that she's a good actor. At all. She doesn't make her character likable at all and just...arrrggh this nomination frustrates me so. Tiny Fey, please beat her. That is all. Or Toni Collette. Basically anyone that ISN'T Lea Michele should win.
Random time! January Jones is a cool name. HEY! Connie Briton! Long time no see! Mariska Hargitay! Damages is still on television? Whatever.
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series. Chris Colfer? I love you. Jon Cryer? I immensely dislike you. You irk me in ways I didn't think it was possible for a person to be irked. Omg. It's NPH. -insert all sorts of squeeing here-
All right. Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series. Oh whoa, I just noticed I keep switching capitalization. I don't know why I do that. Anyway. Michael Emerson and Terry O'Quinn. They've each won it once for this show (Lost). Michael Emerson has been nominated more times, but the last time these two were up against each other, Terry O'Quinn came out as the victor. Do I really think anyone else will win in this category? No. But I'm extremely biased. Oh, Andre Braugher got nominated. That's a name I haven't seen anywhere in a long time.
Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series: Jane Lynch. That is all.
Outstanding Guest Actor In A Comedy Series: NPH (Bryan Ryan on Glee), Will Arnett (Devin Banks on 30 Rock), and Mike O'Malley (Burt Hummel on Glee). Two well deserved nominations for Glee right here. And a very much deserved nomination for Will Arnett right here. I can't pick who will win out of the three of them. My guess would be Mike O'Malley. Any scene between him and Chris Colfer is just...there are no words.
Outstanding Guest Actress In A Comedy Series: Kristen Chenowith, Jane Lynch (for Two and a Half Men), Betty White, Tina Fey...this is a great category. I'd be content with anyone winning. Preferibly Cheno, but we can't always get what we want.
Outstanding Guest Actress In A Drama Series: This is where Elizabeth Mitchell gets her nomination that she SHOULD'VE gotten last year for her work on Lost. Looking up her film credits, I now know that she played a character named Blair in a movie I've never heard of. I now feel ten times cooler. But also nominated are Sissy Spacek, Shirley Jones, and Lily Tomlin who I've heard were stellar in their respective performances. I'mma go see what Entertainment Weekly says about all of this later.
Outstanding Host For A Reality Or Reality-Competition Program. I hate this category. Because two hosts who deserved to be nominated never are. Cat Deely from So You Think You Can Dance (she had a barbeque on the 4th of July in which present and past contestants were invited! That's classy), and Padma Lakshmi from Top Chef (who is a class act in general). Heidi Klum is endearing, as is Ryan Seacrest and Tom Beregon, and the latter is only on occassion. I hate this category. So much.
All right. I'm done. I really can't look at this PDF file anymore. I'm tired. Plus, we're getting into categories I can't be fucked to give a damn about. Oh! The episode of Friday Night Lights that my bestest best friend was raving about got a writing nod. How 'bout that?
One last thing: Anne Hathaway got an Emmy nomination for "Oustanding Voice-Over Performance" for that Simpsons episode she was in...and I remember thinking to myself when I watched it, "THAT'S Anne Hathaway? It sounds nothing like her!" Perhaps that's what's so outsanding about it? I like Anne Hathaway's voice though...:/
So, overall? I'm meh about these nominations. We'll see what happens on the night of the Emmys.
As promised, OTHER Emmy nominations.
Unlike my bestest best friend in the whole wide world, I'm going into the writing and directing and other sub nominations that nobody really cares about, because it gives me a good reason to rant/rave about things.
First things first. Glee got NINETEEN EMMY NOMINATIONS. The hell? Some things are warranted. Some, not so much. But I'll get into that later. I'm gonna start nitpicking on random awards because I'm not using the fancy drop down list that you can use on the Emmy website, but the PDF file. I'm lazy.
One of the obscure awards: Outstanding Art Direction for a Single-Camera Series. I don't even know what that means, but Glee's "Pilot" up against Lost's "Ab Aeterno", which is regarded by fans and critics alike to be the second best episode in the entire series, second only to "The Constant", which ironically did not receive Emmy nominations of any kind.
It's also up against the now ended because it sucked so hard Heroes' "Brave New World" which was a stinkin' good episode for the dying series. Like, this was the episode that gave people hope for the show. Before crushing their dreams so hard.
Nominated for that category is also Modern Family's "Moon Landing", and True Blood's "Never Let Me Go". My prediction? Either True Blood or Lost. I say True Blood because it's supposed to be a very pretty show artistically, and Lost because I'm biased and we might see the "Everybody Loves Raymond" syndrome (in which Lost wins everything it's nominated for, simply because it's over) at the Emmys this year.
Right. Next category that catches my interest. Wait. Actually. Before I get into that, I'd just like to say I think it's stinkin' awesome that Conan O'Brien got nominated for some stuff this year, and Jay Leno is sitting at NBC, twiddling his thumbs. The Academy is clearly Team Coco. Like me! :D
Anyway, next award. Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Series. Glee has two nominations here, neither of which I think are deserved. For the Pilot and for Wheels. The pilot was good, so I don't have much of a problem with this as I do for Wheels. Maybe it's just my extreme distaste for the musical numbers in Wheels, but there's something about that episode that kinda gets on my nerves. Don't understand the nominations at all. Whatever. I think Modern Family will win.
Next! Outstanding Directing for a Drama Series. Lost was nominated, not surprising me in the least, but the episode it got nominated for kind of did. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm not surprised anymore. The episode nominated was the series finale, appropriately titled "The End". I won't give anything away, but just thinking about the ending of that episode brings tears to my eyes and...excuse me, I need a tissue.
Okay, I'm back. Now, Dexter is also nominated for this episode, and while I haven't seen Dexter in ages because my mom got rid of Showtime (-insert angry face of choice here-), Dexter has a lot of great direction in general (yay for nonsensical posting?). I think Dexter will win for this category.
Umm, before I go on to the next category, I just would like to randomly point out that I love Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert. Sorry, it may seem random to you, but not to me because I keep seeing their names. And Coco's.
Okay. Next award. Outstanding Hairstyling for a Single-Camera series. The only reason I'm bringing this up is for the Glee episodes nominated. "The Power of Madonna" and . . . "Hairography". I got a good giggle out of that.
Random time! I hate makeup awards. Seriously, I do. I always feel like no matter what I'm watching, everybody is wearing too much eye makeup. And then, there are some shows where the actors aren't even wearing eyeliner, and it looks like they have too much eyeliner on. I'm looking at you, Nestor Carbonell.
Next award I feel like bringing up. Outstanding Music Composition for a Series (Original Dramatic Composition). We all know who will win here. The Music Man himself, Michael Giacchino. That's just not even a competition. That's just like...rape. Please, I ask you to NOT watch this clip, but just listen to the music. Or, if you've seen Up, you know what the man can do.
Oh, Hans Zimmer got nominated for Outstanding Music Composition For
A Miniseries, Movie Or A Special (Original Dramatic Score). Against a bunch of dudes (and maybe a lady) that I've never heard of. I'm taking an Arrested Development joke about who I think will win: "It's like comparing an apple, and some fruit that nobody's ever heard of." Yeah. If you don't know who Hans Zimmer is right away, you've definitely heard stuff he's done. Case in point? Pirates of the Carribean 2 and 3. He also composed stuff for the Dark Knight with James Newton Howard (who composed for Titanic). So...yeah, moving on.
Outstanding Original Music And Lyrics...this is an award? Wait, seriously, this is an award? I know they did this at the Oscars and stuff, but...seriously? Ehh, whatever. I'm not going into this. It just caught my attention.
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series. Matthew Morrison. I don't get it. I really don't. I don't think he's a fantastic actor most of the time. If they show clips this year, for what moment they got nominated for, I really hope it's that moment where Will blows up at Terri. Because that was a great moment acting wise. Alec Baldwin and Steve Carrell are also nominated. Who will win the award? "'Not I!' said Steve Carrell". That's right. Every actor in this category is just Alec Baldwin's bitch. He better win. Inexpressible rage will ensue if he doesn't.
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series. You've got a good running here. Matthew Fox, Michael C. Hall, Kyle Chandler, Hugh Laurie, Bryan Cranston, and Jon Hamm. Okay, so I've never heard of the last two, but...it's still a good category, damn it. My choice to win? Michael C. Hall. Because Michael C. Hall is love. Murderous, pyschopathic love. Now, I love Matthew Fox, don't get me wrong. I once woke up to the sound of his voice and it was one of the most glorious things I've ever woken up to. But...he kinda sucks. He does. Everybody spent YEARS complaining about Jack. Frankly, I think Naveen Andrews should've been nominated. But whatever.
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie. This is a FANTASTIC category. Jeff Bridges, Martin Sheen, Sir Ian McKellen, Dennis Quaid (okay, he's not that great), and Al Pacino. Please. Take your pick out of this category. With the exception of Dennis Quaid (I don't see the appeal! He was tolerable in Parent Trap), they're all fine actors.
Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series. Lea Michele. Oh, GOD how this irks me. And I don't know if this is my extreme dislike of Rachel Berry and my inability to separate the two, but I don't think that she's a good actor. At all. She doesn't make her character likable at all and just...arrrggh this nomination frustrates me so. Tiny Fey, please beat her. That is all. Or Toni Collette. Basically anyone that ISN'T Lea Michele should win.
Random time! January Jones is a cool name. HEY! Connie Briton! Long time no see! Mariska Hargitay! Damages is still on television? Whatever.
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series. Chris Colfer? I love you. Jon Cryer? I immensely dislike you. You irk me in ways I didn't think it was possible for a person to be irked. Omg. It's NPH. -insert all sorts of squeeing here-
All right. Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series. Oh whoa, I just noticed I keep switching capitalization. I don't know why I do that. Anyway. Michael Emerson and Terry O'Quinn. They've each won it once for this show (Lost). Michael Emerson has been nominated more times, but the last time these two were up against each other, Terry O'Quinn came out as the victor. Do I really think anyone else will win in this category? No. But I'm extremely biased. Oh, Andre Braugher got nominated. That's a name I haven't seen anywhere in a long time.
Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series: Jane Lynch. That is all.
Outstanding Guest Actor In A Comedy Series: NPH (Bryan Ryan on Glee), Will Arnett (Devin Banks on 30 Rock), and Mike O'Malley (Burt Hummel on Glee). Two well deserved nominations for Glee right here. And a very much deserved nomination for Will Arnett right here. I can't pick who will win out of the three of them. My guess would be Mike O'Malley. Any scene between him and Chris Colfer is just...there are no words.
Outstanding Guest Actress In A Comedy Series: Kristen Chenowith, Jane Lynch (for Two and a Half Men), Betty White, Tina Fey...this is a great category. I'd be content with anyone winning. Preferibly Cheno, but we can't always get what we want.
Outstanding Guest Actress In A Drama Series: This is where Elizabeth Mitchell gets her nomination that she SHOULD'VE gotten last year for her work on Lost. Looking up her film credits, I now know that she played a character named Blair in a movie I've never heard of. I now feel ten times cooler. But also nominated are Sissy Spacek, Shirley Jones, and Lily Tomlin who I've heard were stellar in their respective performances. I'mma go see what Entertainment Weekly says about all of this later.
Outstanding Host For A Reality Or Reality-Competition Program. I hate this category. Because two hosts who deserved to be nominated never are. Cat Deely from So You Think You Can Dance (she had a barbeque on the 4th of July in which present and past contestants were invited! That's classy), and Padma Lakshmi from Top Chef (who is a class act in general). Heidi Klum is endearing, as is Ryan Seacrest and Tom Beregon, and the latter is only on occassion. I hate this category. So much.
All right. I'm done. I really can't look at this PDF file anymore. I'm tired. Plus, we're getting into categories I can't be fucked to give a damn about. Oh! The episode of Friday Night Lights that my bestest best friend was raving about got a writing nod. How 'bout that?
One last thing: Anne Hathaway got an Emmy nomination for "Oustanding Voice-Over Performance" for that Simpsons episode she was in...and I remember thinking to myself when I watched it, "THAT'S Anne Hathaway? It sounds nothing like her!" Perhaps that's what's so outsanding about it? I like Anne Hathaway's voice though...:/
So, overall? I'm meh about these nominations. We'll see what happens on the night of the Emmys.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Come in for the anger. STAY FOR EVEN MORE ANGER. >:(
Okay, so as many of you know, the Emmy Nominations came out today.
I haven't seen them yet. With the exception of one category: Outstanding Choreography. The nominees are as follows:
So You Think You Can Dance:
Mia Michaels: Gravity, Koop Island Blues, & One.
Stacey Tookey: Fear
...and that's it from SYTYCD. Insert my inexpressable RAGE AT THIS NONSENSE. I don't even know where to begin!
Okay. I know exactly where to begin: Koop Island Blues, otherwise known as the 'Butt Routine'. It is EXACTLY what it sounds like. A man is obsessed with a woman's ass. I don't see how that's dancing. Judge for yourself by watching the link above.
Not for nothing, I loved that routine like no other. Seeing it live? A blast. But I just DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY IT WAS NOMINATED FOR A FREAKING EMMY. I am irked and frustrated. As you can see.
The second issue I have with this? One. I couldn't even remember what it was until I saw it come up on my 'Suggested Videos' to watch on Youtube. And I was like, "Oh yeah. That." Other than the freaky mirror concept, I don't understand what was so freaking amazing about it that it deserves an Emmy Nomination. Once again, you can judge for yourself.
Third issue? Stacey Tookey's one routine. I don't even remember it. I don't know who danced it, I don't know what season it's from...I don't know WHAT THE FUCK it is. I don't even like Stacey Tookey's contemporary routines!
...Okay, that's something of a lie. I like Stacey Tookey and her routines (can't think of one at the moment. I'm thinking maybe she choreographed Hallelujah? I'll get back to you on that). Not more than Mia. Not more than Sonya Tayeh (who really ISN'T a contemporary choreographer, but she's done contemporary choreography and therefore it counts). Not more than Tyce DiOrio, affectionately referred to in my mind as 'Tasty Oreo'.
Which brings me to my next point. Sonya, NappyTabs (Tabitha and Napolean D'uomo) and Tyce. Were not nominated for an Emmy. Neither was Travis Wall but I'm less upset about it because I would've been more shocked if he had been nominated. He's still a baby. He has time to get a shiny golden statue.
But yeah. You have this piece by Sonya, who was nominated once before for a similar piece. Now, I'm not really a dancing expert, but I think this piece of dancing is just...brilliant. There may be the issue of, 'Oh, well it's really similar to that other piece she did'. Fine, I guess I can accept that. Still don't like it though. I really thought she was gonna get another Emmy nomination for 'Tore My Heart'. Whatever.
Moving on to Tyce DiOrio who choreographed a BEAUTIFUL piece about breast cancer. Now, there's the issue of 'well, maybe the Academy didn't like the idea of a theme'. The man choreographed a routine and won an Emmy for his routine that was about the Garden of the Eden. It does not get more symbolic than that. Academy, I spit at your hypocrisy. I spit at it.
Now, for Tabitha and Napolean, there's only one routine I would've even considered worthy of the golden statuette, and that's the one they co-choreographed with Dmitry Chaplin. The one with the water and the tables and...yeah. Whatever. I've lost my steam on this rant.
Picked it up again for a moment.
Why are all of these contemporary routines? I liked last year's pick better. Last year from the SYTYCD crock pot you had contemporary (Silence), jazz (The Garden), argentine tango, and hip hop. This year? You just have contemporary.
Why are none of the Bollywood routines ever nomianted? Why wasn't the Russian Trepak nominated? Why isn't MORE hiphop nominated? Like...can we get a little variety up in this joint? Please?
Now, you might've noticed that I never picked on Gravity. Why is that? It is the only piece in there that I consider worthy of an Emmy nomination. Addiction is powerful shit, guys. And that dance...I get goosebumps whenever I watch it. It is that good.
By the way, I don't really recall, but are the dancing numbers at the Academy Awards really that good? They're always nominated for Emmy's and I'm just like, "...I don't see it." Whatever.
Let me end this post on what is a positive note for me. Chelsie Hightower, former SYTYCD alumni and the person I aspire to be, is nominated for an Emmy for her work on Dancing With the Stars. She was in the argentine tango and the hip hop routine. So, that says something about her as a dancer.
Next rant? The next of the Emmy nominations. Stay tuned!
I haven't seen them yet. With the exception of one category: Outstanding Choreography. The nominees are as follows:
So You Think You Can Dance:
Mia Michaels: Gravity, Koop Island Blues, & One.
Stacey Tookey: Fear
...and that's it from SYTYCD. Insert my inexpressable RAGE AT THIS NONSENSE. I don't even know where to begin!
Okay. I know exactly where to begin: Koop Island Blues, otherwise known as the 'Butt Routine'. It is EXACTLY what it sounds like. A man is obsessed with a woman's ass. I don't see how that's dancing. Judge for yourself by watching the link above.
Not for nothing, I loved that routine like no other. Seeing it live? A blast. But I just DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY IT WAS NOMINATED FOR A FREAKING EMMY. I am irked and frustrated. As you can see.
The second issue I have with this? One. I couldn't even remember what it was until I saw it come up on my 'Suggested Videos' to watch on Youtube. And I was like, "Oh yeah. That." Other than the freaky mirror concept, I don't understand what was so freaking amazing about it that it deserves an Emmy Nomination. Once again, you can judge for yourself.
Third issue? Stacey Tookey's one routine. I don't even remember it. I don't know who danced it, I don't know what season it's from...I don't know WHAT THE FUCK it is. I don't even like Stacey Tookey's contemporary routines!
...Okay, that's something of a lie. I like Stacey Tookey and her routines (can't think of one at the moment. I'm thinking maybe she choreographed Hallelujah? I'll get back to you on that). Not more than Mia. Not more than Sonya Tayeh (who really ISN'T a contemporary choreographer, but she's done contemporary choreography and therefore it counts). Not more than Tyce DiOrio, affectionately referred to in my mind as 'Tasty Oreo'.
Which brings me to my next point. Sonya, NappyTabs (Tabitha and Napolean D'uomo) and Tyce. Were not nominated for an Emmy. Neither was Travis Wall but I'm less upset about it because I would've been more shocked if he had been nominated. He's still a baby. He has time to get a shiny golden statue.
But yeah. You have this piece by Sonya, who was nominated once before for a similar piece. Now, I'm not really a dancing expert, but I think this piece of dancing is just...brilliant. There may be the issue of, 'Oh, well it's really similar to that other piece she did'. Fine, I guess I can accept that. Still don't like it though. I really thought she was gonna get another Emmy nomination for 'Tore My Heart'. Whatever.
Moving on to Tyce DiOrio who choreographed a BEAUTIFUL piece about breast cancer. Now, there's the issue of 'well, maybe the Academy didn't like the idea of a theme'. The man choreographed a routine and won an Emmy for his routine that was about the Garden of the Eden. It does not get more symbolic than that. Academy, I spit at your hypocrisy. I spit at it.
Now, for Tabitha and Napolean, there's only one routine I would've even considered worthy of the golden statuette, and that's the one they co-choreographed with Dmitry Chaplin. The one with the water and the tables and...yeah. Whatever. I've lost my steam on this rant.
Picked it up again for a moment.
Why are all of these contemporary routines? I liked last year's pick better. Last year from the SYTYCD crock pot you had contemporary (Silence), jazz (The Garden), argentine tango, and hip hop. This year? You just have contemporary.
Why are none of the Bollywood routines ever nomianted? Why wasn't the Russian Trepak nominated? Why isn't MORE hiphop nominated? Like...can we get a little variety up in this joint? Please?
Now, you might've noticed that I never picked on Gravity. Why is that? It is the only piece in there that I consider worthy of an Emmy nomination. Addiction is powerful shit, guys. And that dance...I get goosebumps whenever I watch it. It is that good.
By the way, I don't really recall, but are the dancing numbers at the Academy Awards really that good? They're always nominated for Emmy's and I'm just like, "...I don't see it." Whatever.
Let me end this post on what is a positive note for me. Chelsie Hightower, former SYTYCD alumni and the person I aspire to be, is nominated for an Emmy for her work on Dancing With the Stars. She was in the argentine tango and the hip hop routine. So, that says something about her as a dancer.
Next rant? The next of the Emmy nominations. Stay tuned!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Fox's New Reality Show? So You Think You Can Kick Dancing On Its Ass.
Season 7 of So You Think You Can Dance has been...stellar. Even if you don't understand or appreciate dancing, I think this season is well worth watching. And perhaps it's because it got off with an extremely rough start with extremely suck-ish auditions, and got progressively better once they got to the top 11.
Which, should really be Top 10, but they had to include one of my favorite dancers of all time: Billy Bell. I love this boy. But more on him later.
Now, for those of you who don't know the faith of SYTYCDism (pronounced sigh-di-sy-sum ((pronunciation orginiated by Noelle Marsh of Season 6, term is actually a website for all things related to SYTYCD))), Season 7 is different compared to the other six seasons.
For one thing, there's a Top 10 (11 in this case) instead of a Top 20. Instead of dancing with each other, they dance with 'all stars' from previous seasons, although next week they have to perform a solo, a routine with an all star, and a routine with another contestant, so SYTYCD is sort of returning to its roots.
I like these changes, somewhat. I like having a Top 10/11 because I don't spend weeks on weeks on weeks screaming at my television about how much I hate certain partners and how they suck. Case in point? Ashleigh and Ryan DiLello from Season 6. A married couple who, although they were not together, BOTH SUCKED and SOMEHOW BOTH ENDED UP IN THE FINALE. Actually, Ashleigh only made it that far because she was partnered with Jakob Karr (♥♥♥♥♥) for most of the time, and she was injured the week before the finale and floated into the finale ON HER HUSBAND'S TEARS, and Ryan took his shirt off every week. Estrogen Bridge Bait indeed.
But this time was also used to get to know dancers and pick favorites, especially for those of us who don't watch the Vegas episode. A few favorites of mine are Jakob Karr, Chelsie Hightower, Mollee Gray and Billy Bell.
This journey also makes routines like this, this, and this more memorable because it's not just about the dance. It's about what these dancers go through together, and it shows in their dancing. Well, maybe not so much in the last one, but, y'know, that's one of my faves. But, there's no journey with these dancers. I miss the dancers falling on their asses together, laughing about it,crying together during emotional/frustrating routines, and just wondering to yourself, "Can they do it?"
Sometimes they could, and sometimes they couldn't.
I don't know people's names in this season yet. Wait. I know Melinda, Cristina and Lexie were eliminated. Let me see if I can remember the names of the eight dancers that are still there. Okay. There's Lauren, Ashley, Billy, Alex, Jose, Robert, Kent and Adecheke! I got it. Whoot.
OH YEAH. Another thing that kind of irks me. With the top 20, you had a girl and a guy eliminated each week, so that the partners would be kept fair. Since the all-star addition, they've basically been eliminating all the girls because the guys are absolutely spectacular this season.
Watch the following routines as an example:
Billy Bell and Kathryn McCormack contemporary
Alex Wong and Twitch Boss Hip Hop
Alex Wong and Allison and Allison Holker Contemporary
Okay, so that's not ALL the guys, and I mentioned Alex Wong twice...but that's the caliber of dancers we're dealing with.
By the way, I stinkin' love Billy Bell. He's adorable as can be, and whenever I watch him dance, he makes me tear up because it is just that beautiful. I know he probably won't win, but I hope he does.
I wish Billy hadn't gotten mono. He would've kept Ryan out of the finale. Jakob Karr vs. Billy Bell would've been awesome on SO MANY LEVELS.
An example of Jakob Karr's awesome dancing? Here.
I'm gonna go fantasize now. Toodles.
Which, should really be Top 10, but they had to include one of my favorite dancers of all time: Billy Bell. I love this boy. But more on him later.
Now, for those of you who don't know the faith of SYTYCDism (pronounced sigh-di-sy-sum ((pronunciation orginiated by Noelle Marsh of Season 6, term is actually a website for all things related to SYTYCD))), Season 7 is different compared to the other six seasons.
For one thing, there's a Top 10 (11 in this case) instead of a Top 20. Instead of dancing with each other, they dance with 'all stars' from previous seasons, although next week they have to perform a solo, a routine with an all star, and a routine with another contestant, so SYTYCD is sort of returning to its roots.
I like these changes, somewhat. I like having a Top 10/11 because I don't spend weeks on weeks on weeks screaming at my television about how much I hate certain partners and how they suck. Case in point? Ashleigh and Ryan DiLello from Season 6. A married couple who, although they were not together, BOTH SUCKED and SOMEHOW BOTH ENDED UP IN THE FINALE. Actually, Ashleigh only made it that far because she was partnered with Jakob Karr (♥♥♥♥♥) for most of the time, and she was injured the week before the finale and floated into the finale ON HER HUSBAND'S TEARS, and Ryan took his shirt off every week. Estrogen Bridge Bait indeed.
But this time was also used to get to know dancers and pick favorites, especially for those of us who don't watch the Vegas episode. A few favorites of mine are Jakob Karr, Chelsie Hightower, Mollee Gray and Billy Bell.
This journey also makes routines like this, this, and this more memorable because it's not just about the dance. It's about what these dancers go through together, and it shows in their dancing. Well, maybe not so much in the last one, but, y'know, that's one of my faves. But, there's no journey with these dancers. I miss the dancers falling on their asses together, laughing about it,crying together during emotional/frustrating routines, and just wondering to yourself, "Can they do it?"
Sometimes they could, and sometimes they couldn't.
I don't know people's names in this season yet. Wait. I know Melinda, Cristina and Lexie were eliminated. Let me see if I can remember the names of the eight dancers that are still there. Okay. There's Lauren, Ashley, Billy, Alex, Jose, Robert, Kent and Adecheke! I got it. Whoot.
OH YEAH. Another thing that kind of irks me. With the top 20, you had a girl and a guy eliminated each week, so that the partners would be kept fair. Since the all-star addition, they've basically been eliminating all the girls because the guys are absolutely spectacular this season.
Watch the following routines as an example:
Billy Bell and Kathryn McCormack contemporary
Alex Wong and Twitch Boss Hip Hop
Alex Wong and Allison and Allison Holker Contemporary
Okay, so that's not ALL the guys, and I mentioned Alex Wong twice...but that's the caliber of dancers we're dealing with.
By the way, I stinkin' love Billy Bell. He's adorable as can be, and whenever I watch him dance, he makes me tear up because it is just that beautiful. I know he probably won't win, but I hope he does.
I wish Billy hadn't gotten mono. He would've kept Ryan out of the finale. Jakob Karr vs. Billy Bell would've been awesome on SO MANY LEVELS.
An example of Jakob Karr's awesome dancing? Here.
I'm gonna go fantasize now. Toodles.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Where else are pedicures supposed to go? On your face?
WARNING: The following post contains a lot of links to a lot of videos.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the videos or songs I make references to in this post.
Alas, this is not my post about Ke$ha. You know, the one I keep saying I'm going to do, but still haven't gotten around to it. I will...potentially. I actually was going to start it, and I had all the intentions of writing a post about Ke$ha. Until I started watching GloZell videos (capitalized 'Z' is intentional!). And then I was a goner. Because you can't just watch ONE GloZell video. You have to watch like fifteen.
And right now I'm up to twenty. Yeah. Twenty. She's hilarious. The problem is, she's got like a gazillion videos, some that are her commenting on songs, some telling stories, and some that are just weird sketch things...I think it's supposed to be commentary on society. I think. I have no fucking clue.
But she's funny as hell. And I wrote about her on my AP Lang essay. That's RIGHT. I wrote about this woman on my AP exam. Because she is that funny. Oh shit...I really hope the 'AP Police' doesn't come after me now...we took the damn exams. Scores are coming in two weeks. They can suck my nonexistant male appendage.
Incidentally, what does 'smh' mean? I see it all the time on girls' Facebook statuses, and I'm just like, "Dude? What the hell are you talkin' 'bout?" This just proves that I'm just not meant to be a part of mainstream society. -shrug-
Anyway. So this video that I'm about is how I was introduced to GloZell. Kind of. I'm not gonna lie, if it wasn't for the people on my swim team, I would have NEVER heard of this woman. So, thanks guys. You've given me a new reason to procrasinate. Seriously, I watched GloZell videos instead of studying for the APs. I think it'll show up in my scores when they arrive, whenever the hell that is.
Stay on yo side!
Now, honestly, that's not my favorite, and this wasn't even the first GloZell video I ever saw. I just heard about it, because certain people who won't be named kept quoting it in the locker room and during kick sets. You're not even reading it but you know who you are. You know who you are.
This second video, ALSO introduced to me by two people who were endlessly quoting it in the locker room, and this one WAS the first one I saw. This one was the one that got my started on my GloZell obsession, and derailed me from writing about my Ke$ha post? How? Because it's about Ke$ha. And it was this line, "'I wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy.' P. Diddy? LAWD HAVE MERCY!" Additionally, this video also has the line in which this post was named after.
It is a glorious video. And it will provide many lolz. Intentional or unintentional. WARNING: Do not drink any beverages while watching this video. They will come out of your nose.
HOW DRUNK IS YOU?!
Notice how these all are legitimate concerns in regards to Ke$ha's song. I think it's absolutely brillant. And it's quotable. It's so freaking quotable. Even the 'triple A' slip-up toward the beginning (it was a slip-up, and she claims to know that but she does it again in the Blahblahblah video so...I dunno. Or maybe she didn't. I haven't watched the video in awhile but it's FUNNY). Even if you don't listen to some of the songs like Rude Boy, Bedrock, California Girls, Can't Be Tamed or Eenie Meenie, you need to LISTEN to these videos. THEY'RE SO FUNNY. By the way, those are all my personal favorites of GloZell's. I think they're so funny.
But they're also so legitimate critiques of the songs and their lyrics. It's absolutely amazing.
So...next video. I'm torn actually, between two videos. And I think I will post both of them. One has to stay in theme with mentioning Alejandro (I wanna see how many blog posts go by before I stop mentioning Alejandro for good). It's not the funniest video of hers, but I enjoy it because she's GOT A POINT. Don't call, Alejandro!
Don't call my name, Cilantro. -snort-
She mighta had lunch with Lucifer. -giggle-
That's clever. That's extremely clever. I mean, I don't know if that phrase existed before I heard her say it, but if it didn't, that's a clever alliteration. Or is that consonance? GOD DAMN IT, AP LANG. HOW DARE YOU TEACH ME TO OVERANALYZE EVERY LITTLE THING.
Not that I didn't do that already, but I overanalyzed people. That stupid class taught me to overanalyze commercials and songs and movies. Example? I wrote an intense analyzation of Point of No Return from Phantom of the Opera (Mmmm. Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman. Nothing beats the original, kids) and it made sense, no doubt, but I'm sure Andrew Lloyd Webber or Charles Hart or Richard Stilgoe (and I knew those guys' names without even having to look them up. I've mentioned before that I'm a musical theater freak, right?) had this in mind when they wrote the lyrics. Maybe I'll entreat you to said analyzation. If I feel like it.
I apologize for the musical digression.
Anyway. This second video only really applies if you've had this sort of experience at Subway. Which I have. The one time I went there.
It's so legit. Well, I didn't order the tuna. But what she's saying is so legit.
Okay. Random digression but this was irking me: my mom called me while I was typing this blog post, to talk about the SAT score requirements of Lehigh and TCNJ (by the way, TCNJ has higher requirements for the composite score than Lehigh. No lie. Go on Naviance if you don't believe me), and then she was like, "Oh. Ellen's calling. I gotta call you back."
My phone call lasted like fourty-four seconds or something like that. And it's like, "Woman. You leave the house before I wake up. You don't talk to me all day. The LEAST you can do is keep me on the line when Ellen calls." But NO.
And she does this ALL THE FREAKING TIME.
Whaterr'.
So...that's really it. I hope I haven't gotten you all shamelessly addicted to GloZell videos. Toodles!
Translations:
Whaterr'-Whatever
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the videos or songs I make references to in this post.
Alas, this is not my post about Ke$ha. You know, the one I keep saying I'm going to do, but still haven't gotten around to it. I will...potentially. I actually was going to start it, and I had all the intentions of writing a post about Ke$ha. Until I started watching GloZell videos (capitalized 'Z' is intentional!). And then I was a goner. Because you can't just watch ONE GloZell video. You have to watch like fifteen.
And right now I'm up to twenty. Yeah. Twenty. She's hilarious. The problem is, she's got like a gazillion videos, some that are her commenting on songs, some telling stories, and some that are just weird sketch things...I think it's supposed to be commentary on society. I think. I have no fucking clue.
But she's funny as hell. And I wrote about her on my AP Lang essay. That's RIGHT. I wrote about this woman on my AP exam. Because she is that funny. Oh shit...I really hope the 'AP Police' doesn't come after me now...we took the damn exams. Scores are coming in two weeks. They can suck my nonexistant male appendage.
Incidentally, what does 'smh' mean? I see it all the time on girls' Facebook statuses, and I'm just like, "Dude? What the hell are you talkin' 'bout?" This just proves that I'm just not meant to be a part of mainstream society. -shrug-
Anyway. So this video that I'm about is how I was introduced to GloZell. Kind of. I'm not gonna lie, if it wasn't for the people on my swim team, I would have NEVER heard of this woman. So, thanks guys. You've given me a new reason to procrasinate. Seriously, I watched GloZell videos instead of studying for the APs. I think it'll show up in my scores when they arrive, whenever the hell that is.
Stay on yo side!
Now, honestly, that's not my favorite, and this wasn't even the first GloZell video I ever saw. I just heard about it, because certain people who won't be named kept quoting it in the locker room and during kick sets. You're not even reading it but you know who you are. You know who you are.
This second video, ALSO introduced to me by two people who were endlessly quoting it in the locker room, and this one WAS the first one I saw. This one was the one that got my started on my GloZell obsession, and derailed me from writing about my Ke$ha post? How? Because it's about Ke$ha. And it was this line, "'I wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy.' P. Diddy? LAWD HAVE MERCY!" Additionally, this video also has the line in which this post was named after.
It is a glorious video. And it will provide many lolz. Intentional or unintentional. WARNING: Do not drink any beverages while watching this video. They will come out of your nose.
HOW DRUNK IS YOU?!
Notice how these all are legitimate concerns in regards to Ke$ha's song. I think it's absolutely brillant. And it's quotable. It's so freaking quotable. Even the 'triple A' slip-up toward the beginning (it was a slip-up, and she claims to know that but she does it again in the Blahblahblah video so...I dunno. Or maybe she didn't. I haven't watched the video in awhile but it's FUNNY). Even if you don't listen to some of the songs like Rude Boy, Bedrock, California Girls, Can't Be Tamed or Eenie Meenie, you need to LISTEN to these videos. THEY'RE SO FUNNY. By the way, those are all my personal favorites of GloZell's. I think they're so funny.
But they're also so legitimate critiques of the songs and their lyrics. It's absolutely amazing.
So...next video. I'm torn actually, between two videos. And I think I will post both of them. One has to stay in theme with mentioning Alejandro (I wanna see how many blog posts go by before I stop mentioning Alejandro for good). It's not the funniest video of hers, but I enjoy it because she's GOT A POINT. Don't call, Alejandro!
Don't call my name, Cilantro. -snort-
She mighta had lunch with Lucifer. -giggle-
That's clever. That's extremely clever. I mean, I don't know if that phrase existed before I heard her say it, but if it didn't, that's a clever alliteration. Or is that consonance? GOD DAMN IT, AP LANG. HOW DARE YOU TEACH ME TO OVERANALYZE EVERY LITTLE THING.
Not that I didn't do that already, but I overanalyzed people. That stupid class taught me to overanalyze commercials and songs and movies. Example? I wrote an intense analyzation of Point of No Return from Phantom of the Opera (Mmmm. Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman. Nothing beats the original, kids) and it made sense, no doubt, but I'm sure Andrew Lloyd Webber or Charles Hart or Richard Stilgoe (and I knew those guys' names without even having to look them up. I've mentioned before that I'm a musical theater freak, right?) had this in mind when they wrote the lyrics. Maybe I'll entreat you to said analyzation. If I feel like it.
I apologize for the musical digression.
Anyway. This second video only really applies if you've had this sort of experience at Subway. Which I have. The one time I went there.
It's so legit. Well, I didn't order the tuna. But what she's saying is so legit.
Okay. Random digression but this was irking me: my mom called me while I was typing this blog post, to talk about the SAT score requirements of Lehigh and TCNJ (by the way, TCNJ has higher requirements for the composite score than Lehigh. No lie. Go on Naviance if you don't believe me), and then she was like, "Oh. Ellen's calling. I gotta call you back."
My phone call lasted like fourty-four seconds or something like that. And it's like, "Woman. You leave the house before I wake up. You don't talk to me all day. The LEAST you can do is keep me on the line when Ellen calls." But NO.
And she does this ALL THE FREAKING TIME.
Whaterr'.
So...that's really it. I hope I haven't gotten you all shamelessly addicted to GloZell videos. Toodles!
Translations:
Whaterr'-Whatever
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