EMMY LIVE BLOG-In which everything I guess is wrong.

Okay. So I started a little late on the Emmy live blog. This starts right after the opening number. Jimmy Fallon isn't funny. I dislike him intensely and this song he's singing with Amy Poheler isn't funny.

Okay, so there's a comedy montage going on right now...I'm laughing at some of these things, but not many. I didn't realize Nurse Jackie was a comedy. I mean, I knew that, but...it doesn't seem like it.

OMG. THE SAFETY DANCE. "ICON. NOCON." That's kinda funny. And then there's Kenneth...oh, Kenneth.

Live blogging is harder than I thought it would be.

Jon Hamm and Betty White are announcing the first category. Wow, Betty White is OLD, man. And there's some innuendos. They're not very good together. Actually, I don't know what the big deal is about Betty White.

Supporting Actor in a Comedy is up first...GO NEIL PATRICK HARRIS! And the Emmy goes to Eric Stonestreet (am I spelling that right?). My first reaction is WHO? But that's because I've never seen Modern Family. But I heard he was great.

Aw, he wanted to be a clown when he grew up. That's creepy. Jesse TYler Ferguson is crying! Awww, that's kind of adorable. Obligatory writers nod...obligatory parent nod. His mom is there...aww, everybody's crying. The time is 8:14 and we're at our first commercial break!

Of course. There's gonna be a lot of these. Like one after every category. It's an awards show. OH HEY. THE APPRENTICE. I remember when we watched it after the Apprentice Projec in 8th grade. Good times.

I don't know who this commentator is...segue to Jimmy Fallon. Now Jim Parsons and Sofia Verablahblahlah. MORE INNUENDOS.

Writing for a comedy series...30 Rock (FOR ANNA HOWARD SHAW DAY), The Office, Another 30 Rock episode, the Glee pilot, Modern Family (Christopher Lloyd writes for that show?)

Wait, who the fuck just won? I can't understand her...WAIT. I think it's Modern Family. Yes, it's Modern Family. The just mentioned Christopher Lloyd. Okay, he's talking...I really hate award speeches. They're kinda boring. This guy isn't making me laugh. AND SOFIA BLAHBLAHBLAH RUINED MY THEORY.

OMG. STEPHEN COLBERT! STEPHEN! STEPHEN! I LOVE YOU STEPHEN! Where is Jon Stewart though? OMG. John Travolta, Tom Hanks and Dustin Hoffman in one joke. That man is an American treasure.

Outstanding by Supporting Actress in A Comedy...Julie Bowen, Jane from 30 Rock, Jane from Glee, Sofia LadyGaga, Kristin Wig, and some chick whose name I missed. THE EMMY GOES TO JANE LYNCH.

This...surprises ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. Her speech is surpisingly enough emotional, but funny. She's so speechless, it's surprising, when you think about her character. AWW, CHRIS COLFER. Lea Michele is crying tooo!

Okay, we're at 8:26 and we're at the second commercial break. There's an Oprah commercial. I can't believe her show is ending. Like...it's been around forever.

My viewing partner did not know that there was a Daytime Emmys program. I shake my head in disgust. I mean, I guess I can't really blame him but it's really...abysmal. I'm sorry. Well, now you know.

Omg. There's a fucking pen commercial on. Like what the hell. Betty White is gonna be on Community.

Okay, we're back and it's 8:30. Matthew Perry and Lauren Graham (?). Jimmy Fallon just did a degrees of separation thing. I hate awards banter. I hate awards show banter so much.

Guest actors/actresses in a comedy. We know that NPH won for Glee and Betty White won for SNL. Like, neither was a surprise.

Comedy Directing...HEY, IT'S BRITT BRITT. Okay. WHAT? Ryan Murphy won for the Glee pilot? UMM, WHAT? I AM AGHAST AND CONFUSED AND ANGERED. Oh wait. But he's dedicating his award to his teachers. Damn you, Ryan Murphy.

Uggh, Family Guy/Modern Family crossover. Modern Family in 3D...this is kind of ridiculous. AHA. GEORGE CLOONEY ON MODERN FAMILY. I'd be okay with it. Even though I've never seen it. I just kinda like George Clooney.

Eva Longoria Parker and some guy from NCIS. I think that's LL Cool J?

Lead Actor in a comedy. EVERY ACTOR IS ALEC BALDWIN'S BITCH. Or...Jim Parsons. Like...the fuck? Okay, my Emmy predictions suck tonight. And I'm not happy with this at all. Like, really? WHAT? My wrist really hurts right now. I'm having sooo much trouble writing right now. I can't believe I wanted to live blog this. This better end on time. I can't do this for three hours.

JEWEL? WHAAAT?

OKAY. Commercial break. The time 8:40.

Wait. Kristen Chenowith and Kristen Bell in the same movie. YES. PLEASE. Okay, back to my break.

And I'm back.

Neil Patrick Harris is presenting the award for something. He's a beautiful man. I love him. He's so snarky. :)

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy...GO TINA FEY! BOO LEA MICHELE. Okay, not boo. But...don't win Lea Michele. Okay, Edie Falco for Nurse Jackie (which I still can't believe is a comedy but whatever). I hear she's hilarious on that show.

"I'm not funny." You seem hilarious, Edie Falco. My viewing partner has just made a Kanye West joke on behalf of Tina Fey. Lovely. Wow, Edie, calm it down. You don't need to thank everyone and their mother. Wait, did you evn thank your own mother? I wasn't paying attention.

They're hanging out by the Lost cast and singing. I thought there were gonna be some jibes about the show...Okay, it's time for a reality montage. Probably will feature Kate Gosselin dancing. There's an Addiction clips. There's two. Oh, wow...I think this music from The Land Before Time.

OMG WHATCHA SAY FROM SYTYCD. JAKOB KARR. ONE SYTYCD CLIP? CHEAP. No Kate Gosselin dancing, either? For shame.

Will Arnett and Keri Russel are presenting the next award! They're doing a show together. I don't know if I wanna see it. Okay, Best Reality Program. My money's on Amazing Race because that shit always wins.

TOP CHEF WINS. TOP CHEF WINS. HOLY SHIT. THAT'S AMAZING. Okay, this speech is long. They're playing the music to kick them off. I'm so happy.

The time is 8:51 and there's another commercial break. My viewing partner is doing a wonderful impersonation of Oprah right now. It's lulzy. And amazing. Okay, I'm taking another break because I don't type right on laptops and it's hurting my wrist.

8:56, and we're back. OHNOES. NOT THE ACCOUNTANTS. ANYTHING BUT THE GODDAMN ACCOUNTANTS. FUUUCCCKKKKKKK. NOT THESE SPEECHES. NOT AGAIN.

Wait. There's another song coming on. Hahaha "I cried when they announced you as the host."

Okay, we're onto a drama montage. Lots of guns. Grey's? I forgot that was a drama too. OMG. MCDREAMY GOT SHOT? OMG. DEXTER. I LOVE DEXTER.

Criminal Minds. Law And Order: SVU. Mad Men. House. Oh wow, House is an addict now? Friday Night Lights looks intense. The Good Wife? I don't like it. I saw one episode and I was like this is shit.

True Blood. NCIS. Drama is dramatic. AWW, I CRIED SO HARD AT THIS PART IN 24. Damages is still on? Breaking Bad. OMG LOST. I CRIED SUCH BITCH TEARS DURING THAT FINALE.

Detectives Stabler and Benson! YAAAAAAYYY! MARISKA HARGITAY. Some promotion for cancer...aww, there's crying.

Award for outstanding writing a drama series.

THe Good Wife, Mad Men, Friday Night Lights, Mad Men, Lost...I'd say FNL or Lost. Or either Mad Men episode. I almost don't care. Just not the Good Wife.

Mad Men! Oh no...this is clearly isn't going to be the "Everybody Loves Raymond" syndrome, as I previously anticipated. Damn.

Okay. Supporting Actor. GO MICHAEL EMERSON. I love you Terry O'Quinn, but not enough. Aaron Paul! I almost guessed that. There was a huge cheer when his name went up. I'm kind of disappointed. I really love the Lost boys...that means all the acting hopes rest on Mattew Fox. So, I can just throw my Lost hopes out the window right now. Really, I can.

More Kerri Russel and Will Arnett. OMG. MICHAEL C HALL. PLEASE WIN.

9:05. I'm taking another break. I break during every commercial break. That's the only way I can rest in these three hours. This show is going by pretty quickly, IMO.

Emily Deschenel and Nathan Fillion (Fillon?). Outstanding supporting actress...I don't care. But I'm gonna say Christina Hendricks or Elizabeth Moss. Probably-wait. What is this chicks name? Archie Punjablasso? What?

Okay. Her name is Archie Panjabi. Oh wow. I was close. I like her voice. I could sit and listen to her read the phonebook.

Edie Falco with the next award! Outstanding Lead Actor. I love Matthew Fox, but you aren't winning. It's going to Bryan Cranston, Michael C. Hall or Jon Hamm. Bryan Cranston. I called it. Sorry, M Fox. Don't worry. I still love you and I believe that waking up to your voice is the most glorious thing ever.

Bryan Cranston seems like a nice guy. Aww, his daughter and wife are very very very pretty. Well, I guess if you were the offspring of Bryan Cranston, you'd be pretty too.

Okay. 9:15. Another break. Thank goodness. I'm getting kind of tired and I'm starting to question why I thought this would be a good idea. Although, I must say? We are just barreling through these categories, and it's making everything easier. Or maybe because I'm trying to keep up with it that it seems like it's going so fast.

9:19 and we're back, biatches. Okay. Guest Actor and Guest Actress. Ann-Margret and...John Lithgow won for this. I'm really really really disappointed that Elizabeth Mitchell didn't win. Juliet was my favorite character.

Okay, Ann-Margret and John Lithgow are presenting a directing award. Ann-Margret looks a bit like Charo. Steve Shill looks like Adam Shankman. Okay, I know Lost isn't winning...yup, it's Steve Shill aka Adam Shankman. WAIT. HE'S A DEXTER DIRECTOR. OKAY. I'M DUMB. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

George Clooney in 17 minutes, says the TV. A musical tribute to the three shows ending done by Elton John. Omg, this is actually hilarious. And we're only on 24. DAVID PALMER. :D Good times, man.

Jimmy Fallon is doing Law and Order. I loved Law and Order. I loved Jesse L. Martin. I'm actually really sad that Law and Order is ending.

OMG. LOST. LOST. LOST. I'm obsessed, how could you tell? Wait, I think these are all Jimmy Fallon. He just did a really good Matthew Fox impersonation. Omg, I'm really enjoying this parody.

HEY! IT'S SYTYCD HOST CAT DEELEY IN THE AUDIENCE! Okay, so it's 9:27, and I'm gonna drink some hot chocolate. Yay!!

I'm back. It's like 9:30ish. Matthew Morrison and Tina Fey (I wrote that as Tiny Fay) as first. Oustanding Drama Actress. And of course, there are more innuendos.

I WANT JANUARY JONES TO WIN. Because she has a cool name. And also, because I think she should win. Kyra Sedwick won...okay. From now on, if I predict something is going to win, chances are it's not. Like, seriously. I used to have a flare for this sort of thing and now I just suck. Kyra Sedwick loves to talk...seriously.

She's done.

OMG. THAT FUCKING GUITAR. WAIT. STEPHEN COLBERT. YAY. LOVE. Variety programming. I really don't like all the singing. All I have to say for this is: GO COCO!
Pmg. Jon Stewart is hilarious. And Stephen Colbert.

OMG. RHAPSODY IN BLUE! That's actually amazing. Like...that was lovely.

Okay. Writing for a Variety Show. The Academy Awards, Bill Maher, The Kennedy Center Honors (what?), the Tonys, Wanda Sykes (she's hilarious. I love her). It went to the Tonys, which apparently have been around longer than the Emmys. Who knew?

"Not I!" said Steve Carrell. What was that? 2007 Emmys? Does anyone remember? Okay, I'm an hour and fourty minutes in, at the moment. WOW. I'M MORE THAN HALF WAY DONE. WHOOO. Just letting you know, never doing this again.

9:41. A break. Whoohoo. Oh no. We're going into the montage of the dead people after this commercial break. I might just cry.

9:45 and we're back. RICKY GERVAIS. I hope he hosts the Golden Globes. He's so funny. Aha, he's giving out free alcoholic drinks to the audience.

Directing for Variety. And I don't care. But Ricky Gervais seems really really really excited about this dude for some reason. Okay, he directed the opening ceremony for the 2010 Olympics...wow, that was pretty. Yeah, he definitely deserved to win. 3000 people worked for NBC on the Olympics?

Wow. That's a lot. OOH. RICKY'S GONNA TALK AGAIN.

Best Variety Show? Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Bill Maher, SNL, COCO'S SHOW...and GOd, I miss Coco. I miss Coco so much. I loved that show.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart! He's hilarious. And apparently Team Jacob. Oh, he couldn't be here tonight because of...some reason. That's sad. No wonder there was no Colbert/Stewart skit-ish.

9:54. Another break. We're coming toward the end here, I think. I mean, Variety is done, Comedy is basically done, as is Drama, Reality is done...There are five categories/parts I think they said? I dunno. But it's almost ten so...yeah.

Boardwalk Empire looks like an amazing show.

9:58. We're back again. Okay, so the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award is going to George Clooney. So, I'm gonna go to the bathroom during George Clooney's speech. I mean, I love George Clooney and everything but...I can't wait to till the next commercial break. I'll be back.

10:01. He hasn't even started speaking yet. He just made some not funny joke about being sick. A little tactless, considering Michael C. Hall is there. Oh wow, this isn't a funny speech. But, it's a very moving speech. My viewing partner is currently giggling at something that ISN'T funny.

George Clooney just told us we failed. And that he failed. This is an incredibly moving speech. And he got cut off mid speech. OMG. THAT FUCKING GUITAR.

Oh wait, Mini-Series and Movies. I totally forgot about this. Harrison Ford thinks losing is not an option. Nelson Mandela must be released. Temple is autstic. The moon is goregeous. Euthanizing is bad. Georgia O'Keefe is something. The Pacific and one that I missed are dramatic.

There's crying.

January Jones and John Krasinski. There could not be two more random people to give this award. January Jones's dress is UGLY. It ain't got no alibi. It's ugly. It's ugly.

Suporting Actress. I say Cathrine O'Hara. And I was wrong. SHOCKER. Julie Ormand wins. My viewing buddy is singing about raccoons. Julie Ormand is trying to thank her competitors. My viewing buddy is singing a nameless tune and I wonder what being an Emmy model is like.

And Julie Ormand is getting the "get the hell off the stage" music. Okay, and we're back on break. The time is 10:10. NBC is pushing a lot of pilots. Probably because a lot of their shows are failling.

I wonder how long this blog post is...we're back. The time is 10:14. Claire Danes...she's come a long way. She looks a lot like Heidi Klum right now. Supporting Actor.

Any of these actors can win. Seriously. David Strath...something or other won for Temple Grandin. Temple Grandin looks really good. I really want to see it now. Some guy in the audience is wearing some MJ esque getup. Aww, see, why isn't Hollywood so involved with Autism awareness? That's what I don't get.

Okay. The dead montage. I'm going to cry now. I don't know who this is. I kinda sounds like Kristen Chenowith...but I have a feeling some of my savvier friends are going to hit me upon reading this post.

ROY DISNEY DIED? SOUPY SALES DIED? JEAN SIMMONS DIED? PETER GRAVES DIED? ROPERT CULP DIED? I think I've been living under a rock. Corey Haim. DD8 My viewing partner doesn't know who he is.

John Forsythe died? AM I JUST STUPID OR LIVING UNDER A ROCK? I think it's some combination of the two. DIXIE CARTER DIED? LYNN REDGRAVE DIED? LENA HORNE DIED. Aww, Dennis Hopper. :(

I am proud of myself for not crying. The time is 10:21. I'm taking another break to recollect myself.

10:25. Oh wait. That was Jewel.

Next is a writing award.

The Pacific, The Pacific, The Special Relationship, Temple Grandin, You Don't Know Jack...probably the-you know what? Nevermind. I keep being wrong. Okay, You Don't Know Jack won. Now, I just have to wonder if they're behind schedule. Supposedly, there's half an hour left. Supposedly. Aww, I think he just mentioned a dead person, but I wasn't paying attention.

LEAD ACTRESS. I say Claire Danes. Because...well, it's kinda obvious. OMG. I WAS RIGHT. WAIT A SECOND. IS SHE DATING ORLANDO BLOOM? DID SHE JUST LOCK LIPS WITH ORLANDO BLOOM?

"Lyke 4 srs". Claire Danes actually just said that. Wow, I can't believe this is Beth from Little Women. It doesn't sound like her. Oh wait. That's Temple wearing the MJ esque get up. Aww, now I feel bad for insulting her. MY BAD. Okay, we're over by...26 minutes. Or seconds. One of those two.

10:34. We're back from another break. The cast of True Blood. A show that I've never seen. Directin, now.

Georgia O'Keefe, The Pacific, The Pacific, Temple Grandin, You Don't Know Jack...I'mma say You Don't Know Jack. OMG. HOW AM I WRONG AGAIN? I give up with these speeches. Because they're all to Temple which is nice.

Ricky Gervais's beer was non alcholic.

OMG. Lead Actor. Let's go. AL PACINO. YAAAAY! I didn't call that one because I didn't have time. My viewing buddy's computer is infected. Al Pacino CLEARLY doesn't have a speech and he looks like Robert Downey Jr. in Sherlock Holmes at the moment. And it's so hard to tell that he was ever Michael Corleone. At least, he doesn't look like he did in '72. '71?

10:41. Another commercial. I don't see how we're gonna be done in 19 minutes. It's not happening. Also, The Event looks sucky and I see Graham Bauer.

Laurence Fishburne. Outstanding Miniseries is being announced.

I say The Pacific. I WAS RIGHT. GLORY HALLELUJAH. My viewing partner just did a lovely Forrest Gump impersonation.

Made for TV Movie. Hasn't the Georgia O'Keefe movie been on for years? I say Temple Grandin...WOW. TWO IN A ROW. HOLY SHIT. IF I GET EVERYTHING RIGHT FROM HERE ON OUT I WILL BE SHOCKED.

Okay. Thank you, Hollywood, for addressing the fact that autism is an issue that needs to be addressed. Outstanding Drama Series in 1 minute (according to the TV). Aww, it's Temple's birthday! That's adorable! Oh wait, they're playing the "get the hell off of the stage music".

LAST TWO AWARDS OF THE NIGHT. OW OW. Tom Selleck is presenting the award for Best Drama. Now, I hope with my entire that Lost will win. But I know it won't. I know it won't. And I graciously admit that Lost won't win.

I say Breaking Bad or Mad Men will win. So...yeah. Mad Men. Lost bows out of its final, fantastic season, without any Emmy to it's name whatsoever. And I am a very embittered Lost fan. Whatever. Not paying attention to the speech anymore.

So, apparently it IS 26 seconds that we were overboard. I'm okay with that. UGGH. JANUARY JONES'S DRESS IS SO UGLY.

10:52. Another commercial break. I'm gonna be very bitter for a little bit about Lost not winning. But I guess the impact of the finale was Lost on people that don't watch it, which I assume is most of the Academy. Or, many Lost fans were pissed about how it ended without answering so many questions. Either way...I don't think I've ever heard of a show in it's final season NOT wining everything. Well, this is now the "Lost" syndrome.

I had a feeling this was coming when Elizabeth Mitchell didn't win for best guest actress. She was fantastic. I loved every minute she was on screen.

10:56. Last award of the night. And the last announcer is...who? I'm confused. Okay, I say Modern Family. I do. That would also make me our in a row.

OMG. I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT NEARLY EVERYTHING WRONG UNTIL THE VERY END. This is so unreal!

I'd like to thank the Academy for giving me precognative skills. It's 10:57, and I'm not listening to this final speech.

PEACE! I'm not doing this again!